tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20014626441227806122023-11-15T23:26:09.233-08:00magnolia writes.Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.comBlogger70125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-27959381299158742622015-07-15T14:29:00.000-07:002015-07-15T14:29:50.476-07:00Where Have I Been?I've been continuing to stare at my baby. Rock her to sleep once in a while, laugh at her sense of humor and teach her how to eat the food that Mom and Dad eat. I've been on a camping trip to Goblin Valley, a plane to Texas, and watched the Montana sunset. I've had lazy days and ran a thousand errands others. I've been taking walks and reading stories, thinking about more babies, doing dishes, and listening to Podcasts about motherhood and finding balance with technology. I've been confiding in friends about motherhood and life and explaining to them that it's all because I care so much. I've watched my husband get the job of his dreams and feel the weight off my shoulders make me light enough to fly.Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-4283241664323368872014-10-08T15:30:00.001-07:002014-10-08T16:08:28.949-07:00Nora JaneI regret to say that a lot of times in my life haven't felt as sweet as they truly were until looking back. It feels like four years, and not just four weeks ago that Jeff and I were eating spicy ribs at Famous Daves while I was in labor, both of us hoping but not realizing that that would be our last night as just the two of us.<br>
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It truly was a fun day. We had an appointment with my midwife, which is about an hour from our house, and since I was three days over due I had to get a non stress test and check my fluid levels to make sure all was well with baby. </div>
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At the hospital while doing the tests Jeff and I got a feel for what our actual stay would be like when I delivered. We were excited. We laughed and had fun and of course Jeff complained about the terrible wifi connection-- though a relief to me that I would have his undivided attention during what I knew, but didn't yet understand, would be the most intense and important night of my life. (Don't worry, Jeff wouldn't have actually neglected me to browse online;)</div>
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I was having regular, but mild, contractions the entire two hours we were at the hospital and so in hopes that they might progress we decided to stick around near the hospital instead of drive home and have Jeff's birthday dinner in Provo. That dinner was one I enjoyed probably most throughout my pregnancy, despite having progressively more intense contractions the entire time. (Sorry if that grosses you out--I realize how unappetizing it sounds.) I dealt with nausea throughout my entire pregnancy and my appetite was basically non existent. Food just rarely sounded very good. But this night-- what with the starch and carbs galore-- was an excellent dining night. </div>
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I'm already looking back on the two and a half years Jeff and I shared without kids and wanting to cherish them with the tightest grasp. And this is not to say because I don't absolutely love where we are now. That's far from the truth. I say it because with the demands of school, several jobs, and the anticipation of the unknown of our future, it was sometimes hard to see the forest through the trees. Now I can proudly declare that those years were so extremely important for our marriage and my personal growth. I love Jeff, his strengths and weaknesses, with all of my heart and soul. Though that is not to say I don't have an infinite amount of growth and learning to do because boy, I do. </div>
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Even up until the last year of my undergrad, I let myself doubt if what I was doing was the right thing. I wanted kids, I saw and sometimes envied the paths others chose to take, and I often questioned. Again I am of course eternally grateful for finishing school and more so for the opportunities I had that will help me both personally and professionally because of it.</div>
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But where we are now. Hardly a day can pass without choking up just thinking about it.<br>
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I wonder and awe over Nora everyday and I <i>know</i>. </div>
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<b>This is why I'm here</b>. Her and her hopefully many siblings to come. She changed me from the instant I held her. It was a feeling that I built up and had such high expectations for-- yet she still managed to shatter my expectations. No, I didn't instantly recognize her. No, I didn't immediately know how to hold her just right, but through my happy sobs I knew that she is what I was yearning for, what I'm here for, and to her I am eternally grateful for making me a mother. </div>
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Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-84999277430474557382014-05-11T22:31:00.001-07:002014-05-11T22:31:15.448-07:00Utah and MotherhoodI'm lying in bed on a cool night in this mountainous small town I will only occupy for another two months or so. <div><br></div><div>This time in our lives is unique-- as I'm sure all times will be. We are not the ones sitting on the front porch of our houses watching young people come and go in an effort to make a life-- we are the ones coming and going right now. Hoping that we are making the right decisions by following that feeling in our hearts telling us to go to Utah without securing a job first. Sometimes when I'm in mid-explaination babbling to someone about all the reasons we "feel" like going to Utah is the right thing I just want to stop myself. All too often I blab when just a simple answer will do. I don't owe anyone an explanation and I owe it to myself to be content and know that even if this isn't as successful as we hope, it's still what we are supposed to do right now and it's really as simple as that. </div><div><br></div><div>Yes, we are bringing a baby into the mix. But my goodness we will love her and give her everything she needs and more no matter what. The love I have for her is expanding and I have the feeling that I really have no idea what I'm in for-- and by that I mean the amount of love and joy that will come from being a parent. </div><div><br></div><div>Today is Mother's Day and all over the web people have been sharing tributes to their mothers and the incredible women they are. I hope I can live up to what I see in my mother and what many of these people posting see in theirs. It is an overwhelming responsibility but even more so a privilege that I feel so grateful to have. </div>Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-67716970420584732032014-02-21T15:50:00.000-08:002014-02-21T16:35:11.902-08:00on hopes for the next chapterWhen Jeff and I started to get serious about college and making a plan to graduate, I worried if the degrees we were pursuing (Writing and Media Arts) were practical enough and would allow for a lucrative enough income and steady work. I wondered, <i>why didn't I pursue becoming a nurse or a dental hygienist? And why not Jeff a doctor or even a PA? </i><br>
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I don't let that worry me too much anymore, but reading posts like <a href="http://www.abeautifulmess.com/2014/02/on-changing-dreams.html">this</a> from A Beautiful Mess solidifies that we are doing the right thing. There's obviously pressure in any marriage to make enough money to support a family, and there's a hope for a steady job with a salary and good benefits. While that all sounds nice, it's not necessarily a rewarding path for everyone, or even a realistic assumption. No job is so steady that it can't be taken away, and no amount of salary or benefits is constant either. I think that life can present challenges no matter what situation you are in, but the authors of that blog have showed me that you can live your dream through even your creative passions. Something I really appreciate about their story is their continual emphasis on not starting out something with the goal of making a lot of money. Of course, that would be a desired outcome, but I don't think it can start that way, not if you are going to find the motivation to keep going when all may seem lost. The A Beautiful Mess team didn't start out with the large staff they have, it was really just one girl's willingness to drop the status quo and pursue her dreams, and there were people along the way who believed in her enough that they supported her and helped shape her business to make it what it is. I think it is so neat that not only two sisters work together, but their husbands are employed through the blog as well. That is the ultimate dream for me, but doing what? I'm not quite sure yet.<br>
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I feel so grateful to have a husband that has such a passion for film and design. I know he would stay up all night doing projects if I weren't begging him to get to bed all the time. I find it so amazing that he can spend a full day filming, and come home still so excited to look through his footage and edit his shots. This trait of Jeff's reminds me of my dad. My dad is a the picture of someone who works tirelessly. His work day may end around a certain time of the day, but there is a separate, even more rewarding life to come home to after that, and that is taking care of his family. Whether it's doing projects to clean up the yard or the garden, or organize the garage or clean the cars, he finds joy in it and finds a way for us all to be together and feel rewarded in our work.<br>
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Being college students, Jeff and I are pretty accustomed to not getting money in large amounts, and for that amount of money to vary each month. Just in the past year have we seen some consistency with our paychecks and even that will change come graduation. We've saved what we can and taken out as little loans as we feel like we can, and we have always had enough. I think the biggest thing I look forward to with the next step of our lives isn't going to be much different than it is now. What I hope for is to have enough money to meet our needs, and to find ways to support one another and be happy while always progressing.<br>
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Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-42153195523547685512014-02-06T19:53:00.004-08:002014-02-06T19:53:45.997-08:00Randomonious I just registered for my last term of classes. One is a weekend college (which only meets for one weekend of the term if that term is confusing); one only meets once a week; one is Acting I, which I am over the moon about (I really am if anyone took that sarcastically); and one is a US History class from 1865 with one of the best professors at Eastern, which I am taking with Jeff, so that is obviously a win! Anyway, it's gonna be really cool. I'm more than ready to be finished with school; it's been a bumpy journey for me for sure. And it is for everyone in their own way I know. We also got letters in the mail about ordering caps and gowns. Milestones, people! The next four months is going to be full of academic ones.<br />
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The thing about almost being done with school, is that even though I get annoyed with it sometimes, and I know the stress has made me in need of a shoulder rub for the past four years, it's still structure and it's still a plan. I know what my weeks will be filled with, and I know that any chance to feel "bored' is extremely glorious. But you know, I'm ready for a new pace. Even though it's easier said than done, I can always go back to school and pursue higher education, which I probably will. I just look forward to not revolving my life around school schedules and college kids anymore. I look forward to becoming a better wife-- cooking dinner more often, being there for Jeff instead of always leaning on him, which he is ever stable for. Even though I'm incredibly grateful for my time as a student! It may feel long now, but I graduated high school nearly 5 years ago, and I remember that feeling like it would last forever at the time. And then bam, you're posting #throwbackthursday pictures of graduation.<br />
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What's the point of this post? Well, I've been gone from this space for too long. It needs some life, and I look forward to coming back to it in the coming months.<br />
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Until next time.Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-87844642386756670472013-06-15T16:04:00.002-07:002013-06-15T16:04:12.810-07:00Lesson in cats #342I started out on this kitty journey knowing next to nothing about cats. Every little thing Kingsley has done has felt like the coolest thing to me, and when I share that with people I discover much of what he does is what all cats do. At the zoo, I even discovered that the tigers sleep about 20 hours a day; now I know that Kingsley is just sleeping for strength.<br />
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So more about this naiveté (pronounced with a long "A" sound at the end). As suggested by the breeder and multiple veterinarians, we decided to declaw Kingsley because he is a house cat, more specifically an apartment cat, which means he really couldn't even run in the backyard if he wanted to. The procedure went so well, there was almost no recovery time, and his white little mitts were adorable and so much fun to play with. Then we discovered the doctor missed one of his claws during the surgery, so he had to go in for another shortly after. Then one of his paws started to bleed and it didn't stop for a few weeks. We found out that two of his paws were growing back and the surgery was much more invasive this time. His paw looked mangled after the surgery and it was tough for me to look at and watch him hop around on.<br />
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With his bleeding paw and then surgery, he had to wear a cone for a month and a half. I woke up several times in the night in a panic hoping he hadn't gotten out of his cone. We also woke up several times because he would use our head as a spring board to jump on the windowsill behind us, often times just to fall off because his cone was in the way. It was tough to see him try to eat and drink, not to mention get comfy in that thing. We recently discovered that another one of his paws is growing back, but alas, it is not bleeding and it isn't bothering him so we are going to leave it be for as long as we can.<br />
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^ We tried to take the cone off for a bit and use a sock but it drove him crazy. </div>
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The other day when we were both gone, Jeff returned home to find that Kingsley had gotten out of his cone and licked his scabs off to reveal a healed paw! I'm so glad King decided to take care of business himself. I am so happy to see him peacefully sleep again, and not to mention he tears through the house, hunts us, jumps all over the place, and is so happy to be able to clean his paws again and rub his little face with them. </div>
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Through this I learned that having a pet can be so heart breaking. (I know, where have I been right?) I really had no idea that there was a possibility of claws growing back (though it happens very rarely). It was so hard for me to see him be so uncomfortable and confused for so long, but he still loves us so much. I may still not like the term "fur baby," but what can I say? He is definitely our baby. </div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-52180711282603494652013-06-03T21:48:00.002-07:002013-06-03T21:48:08.741-07:00Homeward Bound. A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was driving with my friends on a road trip with no destination. I'm quite sure the wind was even running perfectly through my hair. While driving, I came to the realization that I was not wearing any shoes, that I was not wearing a bra, and that I forgot my deodorant. Instead of being the wild and free girl those details entail, we quickly found a Walmart and I was standing in the aisle embarrassed to pick out deodorant in front of my friend because I wear Old Spice.... <br />
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Reality met my dream. It found my inner curiosity and longing for a free spirit and told it to go home. It made me wonder. Was it the movies that made us think driving in the car on a long stretch of highway is so romantic? Or that doing a cartwheel in the middle of a quiet street at night makes us feel free and washes all our cares away? I'm not trying to be the pessimistic realist here, because trust me, I'm middle ground with this one. I desperately <i>want </i>all those things to be the best medicine. And I think they are for some people, and even for me at times. But I think my wanderlust is drowned out by my longing to be grounded. To go home to my little living room, which is attached to my even littler kitchen, sparkling clean, with a chocolate bar always waiting in the cupboard above the sink, with my cat purring and husband waiting to light up and say, "hi baby!"<br />
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-52760559594842649932013-05-21T14:36:00.001-07:002013-05-21T14:39:37.492-07:00Cynical MeWe take everything out on the weather. And Mother Nature takes it without complaining, or maybe she doesn't. Why do we have to get mad at the rain if it just wasn't what we planned for that day? Heaven forbid our perfectly primped hair.... And why do we always have to say the weather is teasing us? Like, perfect weather is what we want and it's what we want all year long! ..but if we really got it would that be what we wanted? "Change it up up there, will ya?" We would shout or even curse. <div><br></div><div>Why does weather have to be something we complain about? We can't wait for summer but if it comes too soon it makes studying impossible. Or are we just looking for an excuse? <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrTDvmagVVst3Awz_Ymtp0lAvF6TS-zIZSN33h-KGg7XqUPjK81i9NSsFfvZIzJYHIADSM7J61Z6wHwialOgYZcRlKUF_E5qxUzGS-dLIRxLNhaRu9iozY4fTaPJFSkT99A15koSZsZJE/s640/blogger-image-851534486.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrTDvmagVVst3Awz_Ymtp0lAvF6TS-zIZSN33h-KGg7XqUPjK81i9NSsFfvZIzJYHIADSM7J61Z6wHwialOgYZcRlKUF_E5qxUzGS-dLIRxLNhaRu9iozY4fTaPJFSkT99A15koSZsZJE/s640/blogger-image-851534486.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I mean this guy is stoked about the weather... And he's even stuck in a cone. </div>Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-48064793402380165502013-05-17T20:45:00.000-07:002013-05-17T20:45:43.570-07:00Daylight. It's 8:30 in the evening and the sun isn't completely set. That means summer is coming. That means.... [conflicted feelings]<br />
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As students, we tend to feel the urge to be weekend warriors. We say, "Oh no, I can't hang out this weekend, I have tons of homework to do." (or whatever arrangement of those words you may personally use.) Because yeah, that's totally true, <strike>right?</strike> wrong. I'm not stupid! While I know I've had plenty of weekends full of homework, I know that try as I may, I do not spend my entire weekend doing homework. Why would anyone do that? We all need a rest. And luckily, when I feel that resistance, I am usually able to just separate myself from schoolwork and take a rest.<br />
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Summer also means a rest. But not as much of a rest as a weekend. As students, we also feel the need to be summer warriors: taking on the best job, or plan that we can, because we should. But it can be a lot of pressure. Especially between junior and senior year when ideally we would get the internship of our dreams and then work for that company, or at least secure a good work ethic. I can safely say that I've been a bit obsessed about our summer plans. It was all working out in my mind and I was so excited I nearly packed our apartment two months early. But that might not work out, and I'm realizing that that's okay. So then maybe we would get to save money and stay in our apartment; maybe we'll get to see our family 7 X's more than last summer; maybe we'll get to relax a little more than we have before. Maybe we'll find a reason to fall in love with summer again and realize that sometimes it's not about which door we take, but just about which handle we use to get to the destination.<br />
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Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-72739350908457685522013-05-04T10:40:00.000-07:002013-05-04T10:40:10.227-07:00through the camera lens <br />
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sometimes</div>
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sunshine</div>
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dinnertime--</div>
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words feel beautiful</div>
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in the mouth.</div>
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this camera lens makes up for what</div>
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i cannot articulate</div>
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i swear</div>
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i'm not ignorant. </div>
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i just can't always say</div>
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how i feel</div>
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for it is too close</div>
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to my heart</div>
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-28702849258231668392013-04-05T18:37:00.000-07:002013-04-05T18:39:43.449-07:00adiós inviernoWINTER<br />
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i will stuff a small rag of<br />
its sky into my pocket forever<br />
--Larry Levis<br />
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I know I am among the few who feel this way about winter. Don't get me wrong, I am welcoming spring and the much missed sunshine with open arms, but I haven't been wishing winter away. (After all, I AM an Idahoan) It's not because I take advantage of the winter months and fill them with endless cross-country skiing and other outdoor activities, though I certainly wish I made more time for that. I love wearing warm clothes, drinking hot chocolate and chai, and the big Christmas break that always means time with family. I am head over heels in love with the change of seasons altogether, and I feel so grateful to watch the earth and its never-ending change. I am a bit of an introvert all year round, and the summer and I just don't mesh as much. Though I plan on us becoming better acquainted the day I figure out the right clothes to wear when its hot, and when I live near the ocean and have regular bon fires and walks along the coast. ;)<br />
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For this reason and many others, Jeff and I have been pretty hyped lately about the talk of possibly living in Portland for his work. It's easy to feel incredibly small and swallowed up when we talk about the endless directions life could go after graduation, but lately, thoughts of Portland have made our hearts especially calm and happy.<br />
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skiing with some of my family Christmas 2012</div>
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the first snowfall the season-- always so exciting!</div>
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the first day of winter term Jan 6, 2013</div>
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-32511047764668691222013-03-29T20:47:00.003-07:002013-03-29T21:01:58.746-07:00enchanting. <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i was driving home from work and a spell of enchantment came over me. i was unstoppably happy and every square inch of our little town held beauty.<br />
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i looked at my car as i drove and smiled because it gets me around and i have fallen in love with its wagon body and its ability to hold a summer's worth of possessions for two.<br />
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i admired the tidy picturesque houses and the in between of winter and vibrant, summer green lawns.<br />
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i drooled over the Blues as they shone in the 5 o'clock sun and i felt blessed to enjoy their view.<br />
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i opened the windows and smiled as i saw Kingsley gracefully leap from one object to the next until he felt the cool breeze through his fur.<br />
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its in moments such as these that i truly feel renewed. i gain a sense of peace and hope about all the many decisions on our hearts.<br />
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i know that my Father in Heaven knows me personally. He finds ways to connect with me and show me that His hand is in everything i do, and in return i will forever strive to find beauty and meaning in His creations.<br />
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-55315113221370133972013-03-20T18:17:00.001-07:002013-03-20T18:17:46.885-07:00Why I'm Thankful <br />
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The 2013 Eastern Oregon Film Festival and getting to see the LAIKA animation presentation</div>
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Kingsley letting me hold him like a baby </div>
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The weird positions he sleeps in. I'm pretty sure that here he was having one of those dreams where he was gripping the edge of a cliff..</div>
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Keeping me grounded</div>
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He goes CRAZY for greens. If I'm not watching closely enough, sometimes he will full on jump in the fridge when I open it and attack the celery with his whole soul</div>
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Helping Kingsley face his fears and get a little scrub in the scary water</div>
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It's finals week around here. They have been very good to me. I'm not tired, I'm not stressed, and I am very grateful for that after a challenging trimester of school. Jeff has been doing well too, though he may be up all night working on his stop-motion animation. I will probably wake up periodically and make him snacks; just kidding. </div>
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Today was one of those relaxing recharge kind of days. It has rained a lot, and Jeff and I got to work together and get grown up stuff done. We are setting up a savings plan for the rest of school. This means no spending extra money on anything besides essentials. Sometimes that is kind of tough when we live in a world full of Etsy and blogs dedicated to hand picking every piece of perfect clothing and themed home decor. And we have somehow been conditioned to do to things <i>right now! </i>If we see something we both really like, there is pretty much no talking us out of it. We have some discipline to catch up on. I look forward to the day when I can thrift and sew fun clothing outfits, and go on hunts for pretty pieces for our home, and buy new furniture, but for now I've got to focus on finishing school, and that's okay. And if that day never comes, that's okay, too. Because quite frankly I'm happy as can be in my unstylishly-mismatched home. :) </div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-46024222739831917942013-03-10T18:36:00.001-07:002013-03-15T23:28:06.607-07:00This post= one big cliche I'm writing a story that's due tomorrow, and for the first time, I honestly don't quite know where it's going. Probably because it started out that way. I feel like I'm in one of those scenarios where I'm blind folded, holding someone's hand, walking an unknown path where I'm just supposed to let go of control and trust that everything will be okay. (Girl's Camp anyone?) It makes me uncomfortable. I want to crumble it up and throw it in the trash, but it's typed, so... that cliche won't be happening.<br />
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I feel like that's how life is, too. I don't know where it's taking us, and even though I know it's going to be somewhere good, it's still tough to just trust that sometimes. We have our dreams, but we need to be practical in planning, too. Even though I would love to stay here this summer and take classes and work, I feel this urgency to have an internship so we can secure a job/work experience for next year when we graduate.<br />
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In this situation, I think the ideal thing to do would be to blind fold myself so I will practice having faith, but with a computer so I can fill out applications and be proactive. <br />
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In other news, I found this incredibly tiny sock at the laundromat yesterday and it, of course, turned me to mush. Tender mercies, right?</div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-26554558832889968302013-02-18T16:30:00.001-08:002013-03-15T23:28:54.687-07:00time has changed metime, among other things, is changing me. the love i have for and feel from my husband continues to grow and evolve with every month that passes. my love for small animals, especially this little raccoon of my own, changes into something i never knew imaginable. i used to make fun of pet owners who think their pets have personalities, and who like to pretend they know what their pet is thinking, and i do that every day. i miss kingsley when i'm gone and it breaks my heart when he is sick. it is showing me, again, that focusing on others brings happiness.<br />
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i often hear people say they are focusing on finding who they are, and that they don't want to lose who they are when they become a mother. but as for me, i don't believe my work or hobbies will ever be exactly who i am. who i am is a complex girl who belongs to the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. i am married to an incredible person and together we are helping each other be more patient, more prayerful, more thankful, more kind, and of course have more fun. family is everything to me. if nothing else, to raise a family (along with seeing my own parents and siblings every chance I get) and be with them and learn from one another and make each other laugh and show each other that God is real, that He lives and is all around us. living to find those happy moments and those times for growth and change and finding friendship wherever we may be. and praying for what is right for me and for us and not about what other people should or should not be doing.<br />
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Do you see this? Patiently waiting for his turn to type </div>
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Pen in paws (and mouth, but still)</div>
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I really wasn't going to push him to become a writer, but I can't turn away what he's trying to tell me!</div>
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-89732865837356763942013-02-12T17:57:00.004-08:002013-03-15T23:29:13.721-07:00There are so many words in my head it's starting to result in the lack of the right one. Every other word is a, "What's that word again... you know... I just can't explain it."<br />
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If I let it all out in to-do list format, it will allegedly get better. But you're talking to the connoisseur of to-do lists. I've got a note book filled and I know that by examining what you have in front of you comes a sort of release, but an added weight and responsibility in another way. Day-to-day lists are necessary and daunting, and so far this term (we're at Week 6... wait maybe 5 or 7...?) I haven't done it and I've just been flighting from day to day thinking only about the hour that is in front of me.<br />
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I'm weeks behind my favorite television shows and I can't even entertain the thought of when it might be that I can watch them. To snuggle on the couch with my love and purring Kingsley would mean the world. They say when you are doing what's right the unnecessary things in your life slip away and I can attest to the truth of that; I don't want the alternate world of television to become what I live for. But some of the basic things I need for my sanity and spirituality are slipping away too and I need to get them back.<br />
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Three cheers to sanity in a beautiful kind of way, retrieving my floating head, and having the best Valentines Day yet. To that I raise my glass, of water, which might just be my lunch and dinner today.Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-77736703290698831992013-02-07T20:00:00.000-08:002013-03-15T23:29:33.918-07:00alivei look around me and wonder<br />
how people are alive<br />
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their sleep deprivation<br />
over-worked<br />
soda and sugar consuming<br />
sometimes heart broken<br />
selves<br />
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how do we do it?<br />
it's intriguing and insightful<br />
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and it's beautiful.<br />
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we can take a lot, you know<br />
do you?<br />
<br />
and we have a lot of help, you know<br />
do you?<br />
do you say "thank you"<br />
enough?<br />
ask and seek for what you need?<br />
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or do you wonder in all consuming doubt<br />
how in the world we stay<br />
alive<br />
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<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-57850857842883229412013-02-07T16:49:00.000-08:002013-03-15T23:30:21.369-07:00a rainy day.<br />
Yesterday was gloomy: full of self doubt and confusion. It happens, I know. But in those moments it is hard to think about anything else. And then all other things tumble and you start to go from "I have a hard test tomorrow" to "I can't cook anything right" and then to blaming someone you love "Why do you never do this or this or this?" When really none of that is true.<br />
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Honing in on a positive emotion at those times is something I am working on. I have to look around and remember how I make meaning and why.<br />
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I went to a reading by author George Venn from his latest memoir, and in his essay "The Red Weasel Dream" he described my dream house:<br />
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"White one story bungalow.. [with] dazzling flower beds, curbed green lawn.. an ordered oasis... a mini plantation mansion"<br />
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That is a group of so many things that make me happy all in one: a home, flowers, an ordered oasis.<br />
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I started to think about the home I grew up in that we refer to as "the red roofed house." It was a haven of colors. The front covered in flower beds with tulips, bleeding hearts, daisies, and more. A yard so green the size of a football field. The snowball bush that served as so much entertainment when those white flowers would come and we could scatter them about the lawn in pretend weddings. Those cottonwoods so big that when you slept on the tramp under the stars you realized how small you really were, yet how empowering mother nature can make you feel.<br />
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Sometimes I wonder why we ever left that house. And then I knew as soon as I wondered. I needed those opportunities and experiences that a new school brought. Moving from that house gave us the freedom to move again, and luckily it brought us to the other side of the state where I met my sweetheart and life forever changed for the better. We trade these precious material things and safe havens for experience that ultimately shapes us into who we are. It is trying and it is humbling.<br />
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I hope that next time on a rainy day you will find that colorful place, whatever it may be. </div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-50970594635852811442013-01-31T18:49:00.003-08:002013-03-15T23:30:58.128-07:00pizza for breakfast.Today I made hot cereal (steel cut and 5-grain oats mixed. the bomb!) for breakfast. We have it everyday after juice. We (meaning me) are a liiiittle into routine around here. I put in more salt than usual, because usually there's not enough. (that's what the extra sweetness is for!) I was so excited to eat. I got up at 5 to study, Jiles was about to go snowboarding. We took bites and pretty much spit them out simultaneously. TOO MUCH SALT! It was gross; oops! So Jiles had left over pizza for breakfast.... He was already snowboarding that day, and pizza for breakfast?! I don't think I've SEEN a happier guy.<br />
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We received three Papa Murphey's giftcards for Christmas. Do you know how awesome that is? Those days when you're driving home from school a little too late and you don't know how you can possibly think of something to eat, or how your low blood sugar will hold off until you get a bite of food in your mouth. But then, OH!, all I have to do is call in my order and preheat the oven. And I don't have to pay for it. Yessss! And yesterday it was much needed. After a long day, I spent nearly an hour in the computer lab figuring out how to scan some pages of my book into the computer and flip the pages the right way to print double sided. While we're talking about routine here... this girl needs to get with the times and learn a few tricks of the trade, because I rely on Jiles for everything technology related and it must be getting exhausting for him.<br />
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But you know, sometimes in life you just need pizza for breakfast. Substitute your pizza for cinnamon rolls if you'd rather, or substitute the breakfast part for a night out for dinner or dessert. Sometimes the little things just mean the world; like eating pizza with your love and knowing that <span style="font-size: x-large;">life is good my friends. </span><br />
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Or you could substitute pizza for McDonalds! </div>
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In honor of #throwbackthursday on Instagram {@magnoliawrites follow me!}</div>
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I found a picture with my oldest friends! I didn't think I was going to allow</div>
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my future littles to eat at McDonalds, but this may be changing my mind...</div>
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I mean it's where dreams are made! ;)</div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-39930445536583129782013-01-30T20:44:00.001-08:002013-03-15T23:31:21.460-07:00lately.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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i have been running from work to school, then back home again</div>
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i usually do homework in the mornings, but lately it's been at the oddest times. i was falling asleep last night trying to make a midnight spanish homework deadline. if you squeezed me, spanish words involving EL MEDIO AMBIENTE and LA NATURALEZA and EL GATO (duh) would come out.</div>
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i'm home for two or three half hour increments during the day</div>
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sneaking in "modern family" to maintain sanity (it's working. and i think i'm getting a six pack from laughing so hard. SCORE!)</div>
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giving up computer time during the day to do things like DISHES and MAKE THE BED; i'm embarrassed to admit just how much can be done in those 20 minute segments</div>
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feeling gratitude; we are incredibly blessed</div>
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dreaming about living in portland WILL IT HAPPEN? X)</div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-27395270316450387232013-01-26T09:02:00.002-08:002013-03-15T23:32:15.818-07:00Where it all began.<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<span style="font-family: inherit; line-height: 200%;">Today I am reminded where it all began: what reignited my thirst for learning after some bumps in the road, the belief in myself to get started, and the necessary steps to get there. I wrote this paper three years ago in a freshman research writing class, after it all started to click. Here is the introduction. I hope it makes you think a little.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Intelligence: an Attribute or a Life
Style?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: 200%;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"> It
has been said that those who are “smart” by whatever standard do not
necessarily know more facts or information than others, but they merely know
how to learn. It is in human
nature that until we can tell ourselves something it is of little value to
us. For example, a girl can be
told she is beautiful forever, by several people, but until she knows she is
beautiful and understands why she will not believe such a statement, even if
her actions show otherwise. The
same concept applies in the classroom; the teacher lectures for an hour in
hopes of the students returning home and reviewing the information taught,
applying it to questions asked and relating it to their own lives as well. Unless they do this, they will not
fully understand a topic enough to do well when it comes time for a test. Listening in class is half the battle. It is amazing how quickly information
can leave our short-term memory if we do not immediately find someway to apply
it. There are those who want to do
well, and there are those who want to learn. The two can be combined, but not without persistent
effort. Knowing how to learn has
to start somewhere, so what exactly characterizes an educated person? An educated person is one who thinks
critically and is stripped of pride. </span><span style="font-family: Times New Roman;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<!--EndFragment-->Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-83156920662605696642013-01-20T21:17:00.002-08:002013-03-15T23:33:09.263-07:00Sunday ThoughtsIt may be evident by now that Sunday is my favorite day. And something that makes it that much more glorious on this particular Sunday is that there is no school or work tomorrow! Thank you Dr. Martin Luther King, and for much more than just a holiday.<br />
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As I type, I have kitten scratches ALL over my hands. I am trying to avoid them, but he scratches when he is playing and well, we've been having fun. Jiles (husband) is away in the mountains this weekend on a filming extravaganza. Since he was gone I let Kingsley sleep in our bed and well, it turns out King really likes to play with my hair. So we did much more of that all night instead of sleeping. I know J is having a blast; he's been looking forward to this. But I am ecstatic that he's coming home. I think I used that word on my last post about Sunday... hmm... I'll work on that.<br />
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But the real reason I sit down to type this tonight is to reflect on how good it feels to be content with where I am right now. It is so exciting to think about what is ahead; in fact, I was searching for houses to rent in Portland and I found the cutest little bungalow and it is all I can do not to think about it all the time! But yet I know that it is not our time right now, and it makes me happy to know that and to trust that. And there is something about making where you are right now a comfortable blanket to feel safe and warm under. Everything Jiles and I are doing now is preparing us for the future, but this, now, is especially the good stuff.<br />
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My younger (certainly not little) brother is a high school senior and I can't believe how much more grace and class he is getting through high school with than me. If he is antsy about graduating and going to college, then he is doing a good job hiding it. I know he is incredibly excited, but from where I'm watching he seems to be enjoying where he is in life right now so much and I look up to that a great deal. When I was in his position four years ago, there were moments when I enjoyed myself, because I just KNEW life would get better when I moved out and went to college and I think that is what attributed to my tripping and falling when that time came.<br />
<br />
So if you need me, I'll be contemplating the short story I'm currently working on, sipping way too much hot chocolate, and waiting for J to come home so we can cuddle and watch Modern Family. <br />
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Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-70875205309952668342013-01-19T10:14:00.003-08:002013-03-15T23:33:25.849-07:00The Things I Carry.keys<br />
<div>
books <i>lots of books</i></div>
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a backpack </div>
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scarves <i>everyday</i></div>
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curiosity </div>
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Past Tense oil from Doterra <i>it cures headaches like a boss</i></div>
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snacks <i>they make every day worth it ;)</i></div>
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a smile</div>
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bobby pins <i>you never know when you'll need one</i></div>
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blessings</div>
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a journal <i>and always a pen</i></div>
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a phone <i>that gets way too much of my time</i></div>
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an attitude I know I can control <i>but sometimes forget</i></div>
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<i>what sometimes feels like </i>the weight of the world on my shoulders </div>
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eye glasses <i>some large some small</i></div>
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compassion for my surroundings</div>
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an iPod <i>primarily filled to the brim with Harry Potter</i> </div>
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hope <i>for good things to come</i></div>
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<i><br /></i></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div>
and these are just a few.</div>
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What do you carry?</div>
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<br /></div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-44426744142500374522013-01-13T13:26:00.001-08:002013-03-15T23:34:02.314-07:00On A Sunday.J was looking out the window, checking his phone, and pacing a bit. He's never nervous, especially when he's cooking dinner. <i>Maybe because today is the day our families finally meet each other?</i> Maybe that was it.<br />
<br />
Maybe that was why, though I was oblivious to it at the time, he also nervously slipped his suit jacket over me at church when I said I was cold. And why he made sure to get it back when we went to our different classes.<br />
<br />
I mean, I was a little nervous that our parents were meeting, but mostly completely excited and ready to take that next step. After all, <strike>we </strike> J made curry, and I knew it would be delicious.<br />
<br />
I kept my dress on. The white one with lace. I wore a headband. I wanted to look nice.<br />
<br />
J's mother brought dessert in a beautiful box, of course.<br />
"For after dinner!" She said. I thought nothing of it.<br />
<br />
There wasn't a silent moment. I don't know why I worried there would be. There was lots of chatter. It was fun.<br />
<br />
And then out of left field J's mother brought up the stack of wedding magazines she sent home with me, how she hoped my mother didn't mind her involvement. My face turned red. I know there had been talk of a wedding and I knew generally when I wanted it to happen, but we weren't engaged yet! <i>Shhhh!</i><br />
<br />
Needless to say a bit of an awkward vibe filled the air until my father so graciously intensified it.<br />
<br />
"You know there's all this wedding planning going on, but I don't see a ring. Where's the ring?"<br />
<br />
And as J stood up, hands shaking as he reached into his pocket, he said, "You want to see a ring?" (Which, unbeknownst to me, was in his suit jacket pocket during church.)<br />
<br />
It all started to make sense. Especially the part where the girl says, "the rest was a blur, but I was really happy!" and things like that.<br />
<br />
But my dad.... how did he know? He took it upon himself to transition right on cue, when he wasn't even included in the plans. Only J and his mother knew, that's why she brought up the "wedding talk" in the first place. I guess when 80% of what you say is in a joking manner, you're bound to align perfectly sometimes. Still, my dad is great.<br />
<br />
Here is a journal entry from August 14, 2011:<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I don't know how he could have planned it better. Not only was I NOT expecting today, but once I remember thinking that I hoped it would be on a Sunday because that is "our" day and we get to go to church together that day, eat dinner, and spend the whole day almost every single Sunday. So I guess it was inconvenient that he took off camping nearly 45 minutes after proposing.... oh well :)</i></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br />
</i></span></span><span style="line-height: 20px;">A little ironic that he left his bride, but it just added to the suspense. I. WAS. ECSTATIC.</span><br />
<span style="line-height: 20px;"><br />
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</span><span style="background-color: #c0a154; color: #333333; font-family: Consolas; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;"><br />
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</span> <br />
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Oh, and that box of dessert? We're holding them.</div>
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Genius!!!</div>
Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2001462644122780612.post-38517591354125182872013-01-10T19:17:00.002-08:002013-03-15T23:34:29.105-07:00A day to remember. It was a cleaning day.<br />
You know, the kind where all your decent clothes are in the wash and your outfit consists of articles of clothing that should have been donated years ago.<br />
<br />
I was in cleaning mode.<br />
I wanted everything out. Realistic, right? I get in that mode at least once a season, when I leave home for more than a week. I envision an adorable apartment in the works: no clutter anywhere. Every space minimal. Each piece of furniture just right, and all the decorative items hand picked and perfectly placed.<br />
<br />
And then I come home and move everything out of the way. Then it becomes another room's clutter, so I move it back. And forth. And back again. In attempt to rid the kitchen of extra mismatched dishes, I went out onto the porch to grab a big box. I'm ghetto like that: spare cardboard boxes chilling on the porch. If you saw my apartment building I swear to you I'm just trying to keep up with the vibe of the whole place. Immediately after letting go of the door handle and reaching for the box, the wind blew the door and it slammed shut. Startled, I grabbed the door handle.<br />
<br />
It was locked.<br />
<br />
I live on the second floor.<br />
<br />
First I looked down. Definitely too far to jump. And of course I didn't have my cell phone. As I was desperately trying to pry the window open, I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection. No make up. And I'm pretty sure my hair was in pigtails or something of the sort. I couldn't have looked more like a 12-year-old girl if I had tried. J was in Washington for our summer job, so he definitely wasn't coming home anytime soon.<br />
<br />
<i>Chill out. </i>I thought.<i> It's not so bad. Take this opportunity just to soak in life and wait for someone to walk by. </i>I attempted to sit down, but the boxes were dirty and there were spider webs everywhere. I didn't even have shoes on. I tried to at least use the railing to climb down, but the spaces in between the wood paneling were so small I could barely grip with one finger. There was a Dish Network satellite hooked to the side of the building; it seemed sturdy enough... but I didn't try.<br />
<br />
So I waited. And paced back and forth nervously, as much as the small space allowed me to do. I thought about yelling, "HELP!" but before I realized what I was doing, I was actually yelling "HELP!" And then hiding behind the boxes, hoping no one heard that pathetic yell.<br />
<br />
A car pulled in the parking lot. I waved them down, but nothing. They probably thought the 12-year-old girl was just having fun on the porch.<br />
<br />
Finally, a couple walked by. "EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!" They hesitantly look. They were obviously confused. Can't say I blame them.<br />
<br />
What I said was a bit of a blur, because as I was explaining, it was all they could do not to laugh. The kind man used a readily available chair to stand on and hand me his phone.<br />
<br />
Luckily I remembered that I left our spare key at our friend's place just down the street. "In case I lock myself on the porch!" I should have said.<br />
<br />
I used the man's phone, who was definitely laughing now, to call J and quickly explain that he needed to call Heather and and have her use the spare to get in our place and then let me back inside. J didn't understand what was going on, again I don't blame him. But he must have called Heather, because not long after she and her dog Atticus were there to save the day. Tears were definitely coming by then. I muttered a few thanks, and luckily she didn't stay long, because I definitely wasn't up for company at the moment.<br />
<br />
I just needed a shower.<br />
<br />
I jumped in and warm, brown-like, smelly water came out of the shower head. I definitely forgot that they were working on the water pipes.<br />
<br />
It was a good day.<br />
<br />
And oh yeah, thanks Heather. What would I do without you?<br />
<br />
<br />Magnoliahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01965086433856504785noreply@blogger.com3