Cynical Me

We take everything out on the weather. And Mother Nature takes it without complaining, or maybe she doesn't. Why do we have to get mad at the rain if it just wasn't what we planned for that day? Heaven forbid our perfectly primped hair.... And why do we always have to say the weather is teasing us? Like, perfect weather is what we want and it's what we want all year long! ..but if we really got it would that be what we wanted? "Change it up up there, will ya?" We would shout or even curse. 

Why does weather have to be something we complain about? We can't wait for summer but if it comes too soon it makes studying impossible. Or are we just looking for an excuse? 

I mean this guy is stoked about the weather... And he's even stuck in a cone. 

Daylight.

It's 8:30 in the evening and the sun isn't completely set. That means summer is coming. That means.... [conflicted feelings]

As students, we tend to feel the urge to be weekend warriors. We say, "Oh no, I can't hang out this weekend, I have tons of homework to do." (or whatever arrangement of those words you may personally use.) Because yeah, that's totally true, right? wrong. I'm not stupid! While I know I've had plenty of weekends full of homework, I know that try as I may, I do not spend my entire weekend doing homework. Why would anyone do that? We all need a rest. And luckily, when I feel that resistance, I am usually able to just separate myself from schoolwork and take a rest.

Summer also means a rest. But not as much of a rest as a weekend. As students, we also feel the need to be summer warriors: taking on the best job, or plan that we can, because we should. But it can be a lot of pressure. Especially between junior and senior year when ideally we would get the internship of our dreams and then work for that company, or at least secure a good work ethic. I can safely say that I've been a bit obsessed about our summer plans. It was all working out in my mind and I was so excited I nearly packed our apartment two months early. But that might not work out, and I'm realizing that that's okay. So then maybe we would get to save money and stay in our apartment; maybe we'll get to see our family 7 X's more than last summer; maybe we'll get to relax a little more than we have before. Maybe we'll find a reason to fall in love with summer again and realize that sometimes it's not about which door we take, but just about which handle we use to get to the destination.

through the camera lens

sometimes

sunshine

dinnertime--

words feel beautiful

in the mouth.

this camera lens makes up for what

i cannot articulate

i swear

i'm not ignorant. 

i just can't always say

how i feel

for it is too close

to my heart

adiós invierno

WINTER

i will stuff a small rag of
its sky into my pocket forever
--Larry Levis

I know I am among the few who feel this way about winter. Don't get me wrong, I am welcoming spring and the much missed sunshine with open arms, but I haven't been wishing winter away. (After all, I AM an Idahoan) It's not because I take advantage of the winter months and fill them with endless cross-country skiing and other outdoor activities, though I certainly wish I made more time for that. I love wearing warm clothes, drinking hot chocolate and chai, and the big Christmas break that always means time with family. I am head over heels in love with the change of seasons altogether, and I feel so grateful to watch the earth and its never-ending change. I am a bit of an introvert all year round, and the summer and I just don't mesh as much. Though I plan on us becoming better acquainted the day I figure out the right clothes to wear when its hot, and when I live near the ocean and have regular bon fires and walks along the coast. ;)

For this reason and many others, Jeff and I have been pretty hyped lately about the talk of possibly living in Portland for his work. It's easy to feel incredibly small and swallowed up when we talk about the endless directions life could go after graduation, but lately, thoughts of Portland have made our hearts especially calm and happy.

skiing with some of my family Christmas 2012

the first snowfall the season-- always so exciting!

the first day of winter term Jan 6, 2013

enchanting.

i was driving home from work and a spell of enchantment came over me. i was unstoppably happy and every square inch of our little town held beauty.

i looked at my car as i drove and smiled because it gets me around and i have fallen in love with its wagon body and its ability to hold a summer's worth of possessions for two.

i admired the tidy picturesque houses and the in between of winter and vibrant, summer green lawns.

i drooled over the Blues as they shone in the 5 o'clock sun and i felt blessed to enjoy their view.

i opened the windows and smiled as i saw Kingsley gracefully leap from one object to the next until he felt the cool breeze through his fur.

its in moments such as these that i truly feel renewed. i gain a sense of peace and hope about all the many decisions on our hearts.

i know that my Father in Heaven knows me personally. He finds ways to connect with me and show me that His hand is in everything i do, and in return i will forever strive to find beauty and meaning in His creations.

Why I'm Thankful

The 2013 Eastern Oregon Film Festival and getting to see the LAIKA animation presentation

Kingsley letting me hold him like a baby 

The weird positions he sleeps in. I'm pretty sure that here he was having one of those dreams where he was gripping the edge of a cliff..

Keeping me grounded

He goes CRAZY for greens. If I'm not watching closely enough, sometimes he will full on jump in the fridge when I open it and attack the celery with his whole soul

Helping Kingsley face his fears and get a little scrub in the scary water

It's finals week around here. They have been very good to me. I'm not tired, I'm not stressed, and I am very grateful for that after a challenging trimester of school. Jeff has been doing well too, though he may be up all night working on his stop-motion animation. I will probably wake up periodically and make him snacks; just kidding. 

Today was one of those relaxing recharge kind of days. It has rained a lot, and Jeff and I got to work together and get grown up stuff done. We are setting up a savings plan for the rest of school. This means no spending extra money on anything besides essentials. Sometimes that is kind of tough when we live in a world full of Etsy and blogs dedicated to hand picking every piece of perfect clothing and themed home decor. And we have somehow been conditioned to do to things right now! If we see something we both really like, there is pretty much no talking us out of it. We have some discipline to catch up on. I look forward to the day when I can thrift and sew fun clothing outfits, and go on hunts for pretty pieces for our home, and buy new furniture, but for now I've got to focus on finishing school, and that's okay. And if that day never comes, that's okay, too. Because quite frankly I'm happy as can be in my unstylishly-mismatched home. :) 

This post= one big cliche

I'm writing a story that's due tomorrow, and for the first time, I honestly don't quite know where it's going. Probably because it started out that way. I feel like I'm in one of those scenarios where I'm blind folded, holding someone's hand, walking an unknown path where I'm just supposed to let go of control and trust that everything will be okay. (Girl's Camp anyone?) It makes me uncomfortable. I want to crumble it up and throw it in the trash, but it's typed, so... that cliche won't be happening.

I feel like that's how life is, too. I don't know where it's taking us, and even though I know it's going to be somewhere good, it's still tough to just trust that sometimes. We have our dreams, but we need to be practical in planning, too. Even though I would love to stay here this summer and take classes and work, I feel this urgency to have an internship so we can secure a job/work experience for next year when we graduate.

In this situation, I think the ideal thing to do would be to blind fold myself so I will practice having faith, but with a computer so I can fill out applications and be proactive.

In other news, I found this incredibly tiny sock at the laundromat yesterday and it, of course, turned me to mush. Tender mercies, right?