speaking of change.

Isn't it liberating? Like driving in a car at just the right speed, realizing the temperature couldn't be presenting a more perfect opportunity to roll down the window, stick your head out and scream in a good way.

"Woohoooooo!"

Like you've finally got your car tire unstuck from the snow (or mud) that has caused the wheels to turn, turn, turn but get no where but deeper into the ground...

Sometimes it's the little changes, but sometimes it's huge. Sometimes it takes moving away, and sometimes it takes looking at where you are right now at an entirely new angle. That last one? That's a real good one.

in which my political opinions may or may not become more clear

It has become very evident to me, in my twenty-two years of living, that there are many things in which I do not have control.

I cannot decide who will become the next president (Thank goodness)
I, ultimately, cannot control other's decisions and opinions
I can't choose how my instructors run their courses,
or the content they provide for the course.
I cannot decide for others what is right and wrong, and I certainly can't make choices for them.
And on a more personal note, I don't know where life will lead us after college, or if a job will be secure. I don't know that we'll ever make "enough" money. I don't know for sure if my children will emulate and be submissive towards the Christlike life that I have promised my Heavenly Father I will instill in them. I can only pray and have faith that such things will come to pass.
//
I could create an overwhelmingly long list of things I cannot control. But there's gotta be something I can....

A friend of mine once shared a quote with me, and I have never found a time in my life in which it is not extremely evident and pertaining.

We see things not as they are, but as we are. 

--Unknown

My (general) happiness and contentment amidst the election and all of the evils throughout the world could be mistaken for ignorance, but I assure you that is not the case.

Sure, I wish I were more informed. (Certainly no one's fault but my own)
Sure, I get swallowed up on a daily basis by the mass amounts of knowledge I do not know, and by the tens and thousands of books I have not read.

But that is not my point. My point is that we have a choice to be happy and feel free, (albeit those are ambiguous terms) and that is extremely liberating.

Is it just me, or is the above quote really true? If I'm having an off day, or receive bad news, or something just isn't going my way, I tend to view things more negatively. Often my reactions to situations directly reflect my mood/state of mind. It continues to fascinate me.

choose to be in love with the life you lead and by all means, change it if that is not the case

because you can

These people around me,
are underestimated to say the least.

Their intelligence and worth
are hidden behind their potty mouths,
which make me want to hide from them.

I know they are more than they allow themselves to be.
I pray that they are. Because as for now,
they make up the world
as I know it.

I don't have to hide from them,
I don't have to isolate myself
from this strange melancholy,

because when I step inside
and get to know their interior,
I find diamonds in the rough.

we don't do this
because we have to
but because we want to

in ten years we will look back
on our twenty-something selves
and laugh while we hold our screaming children
on the front porch

we will remember when we used to go on dates
the two of us
and when it was quiet
when we tripped on shoes
instead of toys

but we will know
we have never been happier

and we know it now.

We can do hard things.

I have loved to write from the very beginning. Each year in school I looked forward to the writing assessments. I always anticipated prompts they might ask. With my big family, life was never boring. I always had a fun story to recall, and loved getting to construct it and put it on paper.

And then came academic writing. Though research papers were not initially as fun, I have always been able to still find my own voice and be proud of a paper to call my own. Until my Lit classes....

Not only do I have to read something that makes little sense to me (the first three times), but I have to put it into context, summarize it, tell about the parts that were most interesting to me (and why), and then interpret the piece as a whole, and relate it to other things we have been learning.

Doing said assignments is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. It takes every bit of  my concentration and patience. It is as though I have to squeeze out every single sentence from my brain until, one by one, it is complete. And then I pray very hard that it makes a bit of sense.

Don't get me wrong, I always feel better after these assignments are complete, but while they are in the making, you may as well chain my arms and legs down to the edge of a cliff and torture me.

This is a lesson for me. I hope to instill in my children a love for literature, so when this part comes around they are more worried about having too much to say. Fantasy? Yeah.

Sunshine.

Today I do not want to do homework. I want to dream of the weekend, DIY projects for my future home, plants I want to buy and display, pumpkins on my porch, starting a family, and so much more. There's something about looking out the window and seeing colorful trees, beautiful mountains, the sun shining, all while the apartment is the perfect temperature. Moments like these make life sweet and are irreplaceable. You can't necessarily plan them, or tell how long they will last, all you can do is embrace and enjoy them. (Though you can always count your blessings)

It makes sense that all of life can't be this way. It makes sense that we have to have ups and downs in order to tell the difference between the two. I think the trick is knowing when to take hold of a moment and turn it into a happy one, because sometimes try as I may, I can't make myself feel cheerful.

Which brings me to the kind of opposite subject: gloomy days. It's okay not to be happy all the time. I was always one of those people who only felt worse when someone told me to smile and just be happy, or not worry. Oooh it could make my blood boil. While I know they mean well, it is not always well received. If I am down, it always means the most to do things like write in my journal, call a family member, or talk to Jeff. All these things help to put life in perspective for me and are things I appreciate very much.

Don't get down if you don't have the urge to click your heels after every single day, but rather find things you look forward to. Take a trip to the local library and pick out a colorful book, choose a movie/television series you can look forward to every week, make a special trip to the grocery store for a treat, try a new recipe, or see how much cleaning done you can get done in 5 minutes. You'd be surprised...

Whatever the case, know that you are loved. At least by me. (insert a picture of a pretty red heart)