time has changed me

time, among other things, is changing me. the love i have for and feel from my husband continues to grow and evolve with every month that passes. my love for small animals, especially this little raccoon of my own, changes into something i never knew imaginable. i used to make fun of pet owners who think their pets have personalities, and who like to pretend they know what their pet is thinking, and i do that every day. i miss kingsley when i'm gone and it breaks my heart when he is sick. it is showing me, again, that focusing on others brings happiness.

i often hear people say they are focusing on finding who they are, and that they don't want to lose who they are when they become a mother. but as for me, i don't believe my work or hobbies will ever be exactly who i am. who i am is a complex girl who belongs to the church of jesus christ of latter day saints. i am married to an incredible person and together we are helping each other be more patient, more prayerful, more thankful, more kind, and of course have more fun. family is everything to me. if nothing else, to raise a family (along with seeing my own parents and siblings every chance I get) and be with them and learn from one another and make each other laugh and show each other that God is real, that He lives and is all around us. living to find those happy moments and those times for growth and change and finding friendship wherever we may be. and praying for what is right for me and for us and not about what other people should or should not be doing.

Do you see this? Patiently waiting for his turn to type 

Pen in paws (and mouth, but still)

I really wasn't going to push him to become a writer, but I can't turn away what he's trying to tell me!

Warning: Dramatic Post Ahead (and apparently cheesy)

Have you heard the phrase, "Hit the ground running?"

After a long summer, such was my plan for the upcoming academic year: particularly Fall term.

Well, I coined a new phrase instead: hit the ground, fall on my face, then comes that classic weight out of the sky and boom, I'm stuck. (Drama at its best)

I believe (or have thus convinced myself) that it is okay to feel resistance during school. It's okay not to swoon over every single assignment, and it's okay if you don't connect with every single classmate and professor, but as a whole it should be positive.

The thing is, I usually love school. At least after a week or so, I feel so glad about what I'm doing, and soak up everything I get to read, all the lectures, and that feeling I get when I finish an assignment.

This time around? I'm distracted. In fact, distracted is the perfect word to describe my whole life right now. And you know what? It's distracting in itself, because my mind is wandering to other routes, other options, and it can't do that! I've already been there. I've already done that...

After my first week of school I was so completely and utterly disappointed with my classmates. I felt that all they did is complain about every single reading and every single assignment, and I felt that they did not care about getting to know me, or making the best of school and all that comes with it.

But then I realized, that student is me too. And I'm embarrassed. I don't want to talk to anyone about what I read for class, because I can't seem to wrap my mind around it. I don't want to talk about the assignments, because I don't know where to start. And I also don't know where to end this post, because I haven't come to a conclusion yet. But I will......

Stay tuned.

Brotherly Timeline.

1990
I was unaware that my five older brothers were swimming in our pool in Las Vegas doing celebratory canon balls at my arrival

1992
They were sure it was broken. My brothers said a prayer at home and my arm was healed before the hour long drive to the hospital

1997
I didn't miss mom and dad as much when Clayton would let me jump on his bed and and dance to Louie Armstrong while eating popsicles

1999
Tyler taught me a few rad tricks and we put on a magic show: Malony the Great

2000
The excitement of the millennium wore Henry and I out so much we fell asleep before the ball dropped

2002
I open my purse to pay for my things and the store clerk sees Joey's senior picture and asks if it's my boyfriend. I blush

2003
Bad hair cut. Chris tries to cheer me up by hesitantly saying a girl's hair wasn't everything. But I knew he was lying and I cried

2006
Starting high school in a town I knew my brother's legacies still lived in. I was different

2008
One more year until graduation. I looked forward to getting a Marmot sleeping bag that doubled as ceremoniously becoming "one of the older kids"

2008
Braces again. Now Henry and I look even more like twins: I couldn't be more proud

2009
Wedding number four: Kyle this time. I knew I'd be next, and dreamed about when that day would come

2010
All of us at the cabin on Christmas Day, laughing and crying as we open the handmade gifts we made for one another

2011
At my wedding dinner: I weep endlessly as they all take the time over the open mic to tell me how much they love me and are grateful for the man I found to take care of me

2012
We're spread out over five different states, but they are still my best friends in the whole world



disclaimer: i don't know if my brother's were doing canon balls when i was born. but we had a pool, lived in LV, so why not?

some things about muah.

A friend Jessica wrote a post featuring 11 questions about herself, then tagged me and asked me to do the same! First, I want to tell you why Jessica is so great. I met her my freshmen year at BYU-I and she was my Spanish tutor, but quickly became someone I loved talking with about everything and laughing a lot. She helped me find a love for learning Spanish (that still hasn't gone away!), shared homeschooling ideas, healthy food ideas, running, and just about anything! I still can't wait to live near Jessica someday so we can share more ideas and homeschool together...

To start these random questions I will first include a random picture of myself. This is me a couple months ago, so excited after Jeff and I ventured to Washington and found a coffee table/entertainment system where we put my computer with speakers for a near theatre experience when we watch movies and shows. It also holds all of our school books and other junk collected from the day. Its job is important as you can see.

Here are the lucky questions....

1. What is one of your favorite meals you made in the last month? Recipe?

The other day I found this recipe for lentil hard-shell tacos via Pinterest. Jeff and I modified it to what we had in our fridge and we do not regret doing so, it was delicious!
Basically, we just started with a little oil, an onion, and a clove of garlic over medium heat until it started to smell good. Then we added 1 cup of red lentils,  2 1/2 cups of Better Than Boullion chicken broth, a packet of taco seasoning (I feel like that's cheating, next time we'll just mix up some spices) and let it simmer for about 20 minutes. We generally like our dishes meatless so we also steamed asparagus and put it in our tacos as well. Then we added some lettuce, tomatoes, and on Jeff's part anything spicy that he could find.

Beat that taco bell.

Sound weird? It was sooo yummy! I will say the key here was the hardshell tacos part.

2. What was one of your all-time favorite dates?

For Jeff and I's third date, I decided it was time to make him dinner. Taniesha and I cooked for him and his friend (now my good friend) Rus. And of course the dinner wasn't that tasty and everything really could have gone better, but they didn't notice because they are gentlemen. After that Jeff and Rus took us up to a hot springs in the mountains. The drive there Jeff and I talked for about an hour solid and learned so much about each other. I told him one of my dreams was to take a cross country bike ride and I think that is when I stole his heart because we have been inseparable since that time. Almost every day since that day, we continue to find things we have in common and we have so much fun talking about our dreams and ideas.

3. When did you do something brave?

I'm going to have to say this summer when Jeff, Mikelle, Hannah, Renee, her sister-in-law and myself all went to Sliding Rock in Alpine. A quite unfortunate thing about myself is that I get progressively LESS brave as the years go by. I don't know what happened, I was such a fearless little kid, but I just don't have the guts anymore. Anyhow, Sliding Rock is basically a small waterfall with rocks under it that enable one to slide down very quickly and kind of get submerged in water along the way. It sounded so fun, and looked so fun, but was really scary. And of course the law of attraction kicked in and, because I was scared, I hit my tailbone on a rock at the bottom and sitting down, especially in church, was really difficult for the next couple months. At least I can relate to people now when they say their tailbone is bruised. I never did quite understand before.

4. Who is your favorite TV character?

I can't say I know a ton of TV character's, but I do get a kick out of Jess (Zooey Deschanel) on New Girl because she is just so wonderfully awkward all the time and it is entertainment to me for sure. She has also got some definite style and swag. And she's a teacher, which would be so fun.

5. What do you want to name one of your children? Why?

I am definitely sentimental when it comes to naming my future children. I am all about names with personal meaning. I want to integrate my sister's and brother's names in for middle names, and for first names reuse ancestors names, or relatives that I never knew very well, things like that! I want to name one of my daughter's Amy because I think the name itself radiates beauty and my Mother and sister-in-law are named Amy and they are incredible people so she would be destined to be a strong, and happy person. Right? ;)

6. Favorite breakfast meal?

I come from a family where fresh fruit/vegetable juice is like our caffeine. I really can't start the day without it, and I will probably never try. Lately our favorite recipe to put in the juicer is: oranges, apples, ginger root, lemon, carrots, and celery. It makes me literally smile with every drink.

7. If you could change your name, what would you change it to?

I'm particularly happy with my own name, but for the fun of it, I would choose Magnolia or Anne. Magnolia because it's a beautiful flower and it makes me happy to think about. Anne because my parents debated whether to name me Molly or Anne Caroline. Anne is my maternal grandmother's name and Caroline my paternal grandmother's name. Not only do they sound good together, but the meaning is beautiful, too.

8. Favorite Disney villain?

I kind of just shudder when I think about Disney villains, because they really throw off the journey of innocent, sweet character's lives (like Scar with Simba, ahh) but in the end, they were necessary to their learning experience and they always lose. Opposition is necessary even in Disney, what do you know?

9. What is your most embarrassing moment?

I choose 6th grade-11th grade for this answer. Just kidding. Sadly I do embarrassing things every day, and it is not hard to think of embarrassing things I do. But I'll just get it out here in hopes that no one is reading this. I went on a retreat for a club I was apart of in 9th grade and I (unknowingly) clogged the toilet. Those who discovered it ended up spending at least an hour cleaning it up, while I was basically hiding under the couch like a coward.

10. Favorite type of food?

The past few years my love for food has increased 10 fold and it is both wonderful and horrible. If I could choose, I would have pasta for dinner once every two weeks, sushi once a week, Thai food once a week, Indian food once a week, some sort of soup one day a week, salmon cooked by Jeff's dad once a week, and you get the picture. I cannot choose.

11. Least favorite chore.

I shamefully admit cleaning the tub and I'm not sure if it's because I just don't spend the sufficient amount of time scrubbing, that I don't know how, or that I am just not trying hard enough. Ok I really know the answer, but it will get better.