On A Sunday.

J was looking out the window, checking his phone, and pacing a bit. He's never nervous, especially when he's cooking dinner. Maybe because today is the day our families finally meet each other? Maybe that was it.

Maybe that was why, though I was oblivious to it at the time, he also nervously slipped his suit jacket over me at church when I said I was cold. And why he made sure to get it back when we went to our different classes.

I mean, I was a little nervous that our parents were meeting, but mostly completely excited and ready to take that next step. After all, we  J made curry, and I knew it would be delicious.

I kept my dress on. The white one with lace. I wore a headband. I wanted to look nice.

J's mother brought dessert in a beautiful box, of course.
"For after dinner!" She said. I thought nothing of it.

There wasn't a silent moment. I don't know why I worried there would be. There was lots of chatter. It was fun.

And then out of left field J's mother brought up the stack of wedding magazines she sent home with me, how she hoped my mother didn't mind her involvement. My face turned red. I know there had been talk of a wedding and I knew generally when I wanted it to happen, but we weren't engaged yet! Shhhh!

Needless to say a bit of an awkward vibe filled the air until my father so graciously intensified it.

"You know there's all this wedding planning going on, but I don't see a ring. Where's the ring?"

And as J stood up, hands shaking as he reached into his pocket, he said, "You want to see a ring?" (Which, unbeknownst to me, was in his suit jacket pocket during church.)

It all started to make sense. Especially the part where the girl says, "the rest was a blur, but I was really happy!" and things like that.

But my dad.... how did he know? He took it upon himself to transition right on cue, when he wasn't even included in the plans. Only J and his mother knew, that's why she brought up the "wedding talk" in the first place. I guess when 80% of what you say is in a joking manner, you're bound to align perfectly sometimes. Still, my dad is great.

Here is a journal entry from August 14, 2011:
I don't know how he could have planned it better. Not only was I NOT expecting today, but once I remember thinking that I hoped it would be on a Sunday because that is "our" day and we get to go to church together that day, eat dinner, and spend the whole day almost every single Sunday. So I guess it was inconvenient that he took off camping nearly 45 minutes after proposing.... oh well :)

A little ironic that he left his bride, but it just added to the suspense. I. WAS. ECSTATIC.

Oh, and that box of dessert? We're holding them.

Genius!!!

Brotherly Timeline.

1990
I was unaware that my five older brothers were swimming in our pool in Las Vegas doing celebratory canon balls at my arrival

1992
They were sure it was broken. My brothers said a prayer at home and my arm was healed before the hour long drive to the hospital

1997
I didn't miss mom and dad as much when Clayton would let me jump on his bed and and dance to Louie Armstrong while eating popsicles

1999
Tyler taught me a few rad tricks and we put on a magic show: Malony the Great

2000
The excitement of the millennium wore Henry and I out so much we fell asleep before the ball dropped

2002
I open my purse to pay for my things and the store clerk sees Joey's senior picture and asks if it's my boyfriend. I blush

2003
Bad hair cut. Chris tries to cheer me up by hesitantly saying a girl's hair wasn't everything. But I knew he was lying and I cried

2006
Starting high school in a town I knew my brother's legacies still lived in. I was different

2008
One more year until graduation. I looked forward to getting a Marmot sleeping bag that doubled as ceremoniously becoming "one of the older kids"

2008
Braces again. Now Henry and I look even more like twins: I couldn't be more proud

2009
Wedding number four: Kyle this time. I knew I'd be next, and dreamed about when that day would come

2010
All of us at the cabin on Christmas Day, laughing and crying as we open the handmade gifts we made for one another

2011
At my wedding dinner: I weep endlessly as they all take the time over the open mic to tell me how much they love me and are grateful for the man I found to take care of me

2012
We're spread out over five different states, but they are still my best friends in the whole world



disclaimer: i don't know if my brother's were doing canon balls when i was born. but we had a pool, lived in LV, so why not?

If Only.

If only you could step outside of your own self for just a moment and see you.

The way I see you. The way God sees you.

It would bring a tear to your eye no doubt, to see you for who you really are, and not just the angles you see in the mirror, or while you are upset, or realize that even when you're laughing you have flaws: could your smile be any bigger?

It would be a relief: like when you have just cleaned the whole house and you finally get to sit down to see what you have done. Or like turning off the last light in the house before you can jump into bed. It would be like realizing that your sweet, screaming child has finally fallen asleep. Or like getting off of work and clicking your heels together as you run to your car to finally head home to see someone you love. Only better, because it's you! And I dunno about you, but sometimes being "me" is pretty tough in general.

There are several people that I have always particularly admired for being comfortable in their own skin. The people who laugh even if they have a big smile, who make jokes and enjoy their own toes, even though they are strange. Those people who accept your compliment with a genuine thank you. The ones you don't have to pin down, look in the eye and say, "Yes you are! You ARE beautiful! Believe it, or I'll punch you!"   :) And I mean the ones who accept it regardless of whether they are wearing a rag or JCrew. The ones who have an iPhone or a phone that, you know, just makes calls and stuff. The one who has thick flowing hair or just an okay amount. The one who has blemishes on their skin, or the one whose skin is glowing, or is so physically fit. (Because I can guarantee, they can tell you why their skin is glowing or just how they got their hair that thick, or their guaranteed workout secrets, but you are you, and for the most part, you are gonna stay that way and have to start loving you for every single thing you see as a flaw in yourself.)

I was one of many Mary Kate and Ashley fans growing up, and I watched a YouTube video when they were about 16, maybe a little younger, and Mary Kate was talking about how pretty Ashley is. She was saying she would look in the mirror and feel so ugly, and then see Ashley and how beautiful she is, and was very jealous of her. Granted they are not identical twins, watching the two of them in that interview, they may well have been the same exact person, because they sure looked/acted like it. Their differences are so minute, and Mary Kate was still able to see them. It shows that even if God granted we look almost exactly like that person we envy, it still wouldn't be good enough. So that is where we come in.

You know those people you love? The ones who have flaws, but you don't see as flaws, because in your opinion they just give them character and you couldn't possibly love them as much as you do without them? Oh, that's just me? Well hopefully you get the picture :) ....because it's time to start looking at you that way.

The way I see you.
The way God sees you.

Go ahead and try. Or even... stop trying if you know what I mean.
It might just work.

A List of Little Things I Love.

I love the solitude of a quiet little home in the evening, just long enough to finish the lingering dishes and tidy up a bit.

I love folding the last of the laundry revealing the entirety of my bed, which was in fact made today.

I love walking to class, not in a hurry, because the sun is shining and I want to soak up every minute.

I love waking up at 5:30 to do homework because the rest of the world is still sleeping and my mind is clear and ready to work.

I love my love for making dinner without question the nights I need to spend a little extra time on homework, which happens more often than I would like.

I love him, also, for being my tutor when I don't understand my schoolwork. He never fails to help me know I am not alone in this.

I love reading Shakespeare and actually laughing during a humorous part because I understand.

I love when a stranger in class makes an effort to get to know me and becomes another friendly face on campus.

I love the Lord and Savior for hearing and answering my prayers through the little things I love every single day.

7Ks and other thoughts.

Jeffrey and I discovered our mutual interest for running soon after meeting one another, and I convinced him to run a 5K with me shortly after we started dating. We ran together all over Boise and had a lot of fun doing so. It was never very consistent, but on the weekends when we had the time.

We decided to sign up for a jogging class together this winter term and it has been so much fun. The majority of our running has been on treadmills at the school gym due to the weather. At first we were constantly being interrupted by the football players morning work out who make it awfully hard to concentrate with all their ruckus. It's almost like a game now to get out of the gym before 8:00 a.m. and we are always really close. One of these days maybe we'll be out of there before they do their chant after their warm up, "GET SOOOOOME!"

Part of our running grade is to run a 5K and we ventured to Boise this weekend to participate in Speed to Feed Idaho for a local food bank. We have been so excited for the 5K and we talked about it after almost every run. A couple days before the race I had a pile of kleenexes near by and suddenly realized, "Oh no I can't be sick now!" And it continued to get worse. The night before the 5K I felt like I was going to die, maybe because I enjoyed myself some Sa-wa-dees with Jeff, Jared, and Sam for her birthday :) but still, it was a bummer. Jeff and I warmed up for the race and my throat started an icy fire and I felt like I was going to throw up. Luckily the race setup was ideal. It started right outside of BSU so we were able to stay inside and be warm until it started. And there was a great energy about the place.

As soon as the race began I started to feel better. I took it slow at first, and after saying goodbye to Jeff and watching him slowly fade away in front of me, I found a good pace. Then with about a mile or so left I had a huge burst of energy, and my old friends endorphins kicked in and I finished the race pretty strong. Jeff was there to cheer me on at the finish and I saw my time. 37 minutes seemed quite slow compared to the rest of the winter and Jeff felt the same about his time, 32:30. We shrugged it off, but while we were drinking some water this guy came up to us and said, "Do you think that clock is off? There is no way I could have finished in 37 minutes." It kinda made us laugh because it wasn't a huge deal to us. Then we went to talk to the race director about how our instructor could contact him to verify that we ran the race, and he told us we all ran a 7K. So about 2,000 meters, or 1 mile further than a 5K. Woohoo! It may not have been a PR for us, but it was still accomplishing. Jeff, especially, felt pretty stoked about his first 7K. He has been the best running partner and he always makes me motivated to get up and go. This may be our last official 7K, but there will be many more 5Ks, 10Ks, etc, to come for the Alexander's.