Friday, August 31, 2012

Bigger Dreams.

At the end of the day, in the quiet of the night, my heart's desires are so much different than my day dreams.

No no, it is not to have a closet full of elegant, classy clothing, or to have hair a mile long; it is not to be Emma Watson; it is not to have a big, perfectly Pinterest decorated home; it is not to have so much money, that I need not put thought into every purchase; it is not to travel the world. Albeit some of these things would be rather nice...

It's funny, because most of the time, when asked about my goals I get a little self absorbed and naturally start thinking: I want to get a degree in Writing and work at my own leisure for magazines who pay me to kayak down a river and write about it. Or for Parents magazine, who swoons over my every word about my parenting views. I want to live in Portland in a cottage and someday see what all the hype is about New York City. Etc, etc, etc. But I think there is a little more to life than that.

My goals have much more substance and worth, and are absolutely 100% possible through my Heavenly Father: I want to be completely selfless, making the needs of others genuinely my best interest. I want to have lots of children and make raising them lovingly and righteously my heart and soul. I want to be a patient wife for a very, very deserving husband. I want to be a family of best friends like my own family is.

I want to, and I am working on this, sincerely believe that what I have is enough. I want to have so much Faith in my Heavenly Father, that I don't look down asking why, but always looking up hopeful and patient and trusting in His magnificent, immaculate plan. I want to continue to wonder and awe at seemingly small things that make all the difference.

I want to be Christlike in every way and always see the good in others. No one is purely good or purely evil, and I know I can choose to find and focus on the good in others when I try.

I want to build relationships with those I am geologically close to. It might sound weird, but have you ever gotten to know someone you didn't realize lived so close, and then they moved away, and you thought how good of friends you could have been all along? I long not to be so completely self absorbed, that I cannot go out of my way to bring bread to my neighbor, or try to get to know someone in my church that I didn't know before. All too often I am wishing I were elsewhere, with old friends, neighbors, or family. And while it is okay to miss them, I believe it is important to be grateful for where I am. How are we supposed to know that others have needs if we stay in our own bubble thinking about all the things we wish we had?

I shamefully admit, that I get distracted and sometimes nearly swallowed up by the many distractions around me, and I am constantly fighting a losing battle with social networking, and other "good" things, but there are most definitely "better" things, and the "best" things that I solely believe must be done every day to direct our hearts to what is right. Why, in the LDS church, do we stress reading the scriptures and praying so much? For starters, our hearts are directed to our Savior for those moments, and from there we learn and gain insight and inspiration. With that comes understanding, clarity, and peace. With each passing year I cannot feel more grateful for that escape. Every single day is about building our character and the most minute things are constantly shaping us.

I am a firm believer in education. I feel so grateful to be learning and growing, and that Jeff is by my side through it all. I know the situations I am in are preparing me to be a better wife, friend, and mother. I also firmly believe that when our time on this earth is through, what we achieved on paper will not matter to our Heavenly Father: diplomas, job certificates, and other recognition. I know he looks upon the heart and I want to be able to tell him I honestly did my best to become like Him, however that was achieved.


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