Sunday, December 9, 2012

Grown Up?

Almost once a week I stop in my tracks and look down at my small feet and think, how was I allowed to be in charge of my own life? J and I frequently talk about raising children and all the decisions that come with parenting, our beliefs, what we think might be effective, etc. It sounds so wonderful and romantic until I realize: with children you have to help them and be there for every single decision they make throughout the day. Not just waking them up, giving them meals and putting them to bed, but everything in between. That is such a tremendous and special responsibility. Am I, a girl with too many flaws to count, worthy of that?

Somewhere along my own infancy, childhood, and adolescence, I slowly let go of my parents hands and got to where I am now: in charge of every single decision. And I can't for the life of me figure out how it happened so fast. Now, I know we have a lot to learn and are hardly "grown up," but you get the idea. I have been dreaming about having children since way before I'd like to admit,  and I feel a special connection with them, and I know they are waiting for me. When I go to the temple I can feel their love and know they are special. So many times throughout my young adult years I have been in the midst of a life decision and thought about those unborn children. I am trying so hard to have good habits and become the person I want them to be. I believe that I came here on earth to learn and find my sweetheart and create a family together that will help us continue to learn and hopefully we can teach them a thing or two. 

One day they may read my blog, or personal journal, and think, "Wow my mom was once a kid like me." It wasn't until I was almost graduated high school that I hit the realization that my parents were once young and made mistakes, too. I hope my children can realize that a little sooner so they don't hold us to an unrealistic standard like I did my parents, which, they always lived up to. 

So here's to those little ones yet to come. Here's a thank you to them for keeping me on check, and making me want to be better when I haven't even met them yet. 

1 comment:

  1. I think you speak for a lot of women. Women? I can't refer to myself as a woman yet. It sounds more grown up than I feel. You speak for a lot of us girls (gals, ladies, whatever we are). I love reading each of your posts because I can relate to every single one. This one especially, except for the tiny feet part ;) Love you, Molly.