on hopes for the next chapter

When Jeff and I started to get serious about college and making a plan to graduate, I worried if the degrees we were pursuing (Writing and Media Arts) were practical enough and would allow for a lucrative enough income and steady work. I wondered, why didn't I pursue becoming a nurse or a dental hygienist? And why not Jeff a doctor or even a PA? 

I don't let that worry me too much anymore, but reading posts like this from A Beautiful Mess solidifies that we are doing the right thing. There's obviously pressure in any marriage to make enough money to support a family, and there's a hope for a steady job with a salary and good benefits. While that all sounds nice, it's not necessarily a rewarding path for everyone, or even a realistic assumption. No job is so steady that it can't be taken away, and no amount of salary or benefits is constant either. I think that life can present challenges no matter what situation you are in, but the authors of that blog have showed me that you can live your dream through even your creative passions. Something I really appreciate about their story is their continual emphasis on not starting out something with the goal of making a lot of money. Of course, that would be a desired outcome, but I don't think it can start that way, not if you are going to find the motivation to keep going when all may seem lost. The A Beautiful Mess team didn't start out with the large staff they have, it was really just one girl's willingness to drop the status quo and pursue her dreams, and there were people along the way who believed in her enough that they supported her and helped shape her business to make it what it is. I think it is so neat that not only two sisters work together, but their husbands are employed through the blog as well. That is the ultimate dream for me, but doing what? I'm not quite sure yet.

I feel so grateful to have a husband that has such a passion for film and design. I know he would stay up all night doing projects if I weren't begging him to get to bed all the time. I find it so amazing that he can spend a full day filming, and come home still so excited to look through his footage and edit his shots. This trait of Jeff's reminds me of my dad. My dad is a the picture of someone who works tirelessly. His work day may end around a certain time of the day, but there is a separate, even more rewarding life to come home to  after that, and that is taking care of his family. Whether it's doing projects to clean up the yard or the garden, or organize the garage or clean the cars, he finds joy in it and finds a way for us all to be together and feel rewarded in our work.

Being college students, Jeff and I are pretty accustomed to not getting money in large amounts, and for that amount of money to vary each month. Just in the past year have we seen some consistency with our paychecks and even that will change come graduation. We've saved what we can and taken out as little loans as we feel like we can, and we have always had enough. I think the biggest thing I look forward to with the next step of our lives isn't going to be much different than it is now. What I hope for is to have enough money to meet our needs, and to find ways to support one another and be happy while always progressing.

Randomonious

I just registered for my last term of classes. One is a weekend college (which only meets for one weekend of the term if that term is confusing); one only meets once a week; one is Acting I, which I am over the moon about (I really am if anyone took that sarcastically); and one is a US History class from 1865 with one of the best professors at Eastern, which I am taking with Jeff, so that is obviously a win! Anyway, it's gonna be really cool. I'm more than ready to be finished with school; it's been a bumpy journey for me for sure. And it is for everyone in their own way I know. We also got letters in the mail about ordering caps and gowns. Milestones, people! The next four months is going to be full of academic ones.

The thing about almost being done with school, is that even though I get annoyed with it sometimes, and I know the stress has made me in need of a shoulder rub for the past four years, it's still structure and it's still a plan. I know what my weeks will be filled with, and I know that any chance to feel "bored' is extremely glorious. But you know, I'm ready for a new pace. Even though it's easier said than done, I can always go back to school and pursue higher education, which I probably will. I just look forward to not revolving my life around school schedules and college kids anymore. I look forward to becoming a better wife-- cooking dinner more often, being there for Jeff instead of always leaning on him, which he is ever stable for. Even though I'm incredibly grateful for my time as a student! It may feel long now, but I graduated high school nearly 5 years ago, and I remember that feeling like it would last forever at the time. And then bam, you're posting #throwbackthursday pictures of graduation.

What's the point of this post? Well, I've been gone from this space for too long. It needs some life, and I look forward to coming back to it in the coming months.

Until next time.

Lesson in cats #342

I started out on this kitty journey knowing next to nothing about cats. Every little thing Kingsley has done has felt like the coolest thing to me, and when I share that with people I discover much of what he does is what all cats do. At the zoo, I even discovered that the tigers sleep about 20 hours a day; now I know that Kingsley is just sleeping for strength.

So more about this naiveté (pronounced with a long "A" sound at the end). As suggested by the breeder and multiple veterinarians, we decided to declaw Kingsley because he is a house cat, more specifically an apartment cat, which means he really couldn't even run in the backyard if he wanted to. The procedure went so well, there was almost no recovery time, and his white little mitts were adorable and so much fun to play with. Then we discovered the doctor missed one of his claws during the surgery, so he had to go in for another shortly after. Then one of his paws started to bleed and it didn't stop for a few weeks. We found out that two of his paws were growing back and the surgery was much more invasive this time. His paw looked mangled after the surgery and it was tough for me to look at and watch him hop around on.

With his bleeding paw and then surgery, he had to wear a cone for a month and a half. I woke up several times in the night in a panic hoping he hadn't gotten out of his cone. We also woke up several times because he would use our head as a spring board to jump on the windowsill behind us, often times just to fall off because his cone was in the way. It was tough to see him try to eat and drink, not to mention get comfy in that thing. We recently discovered that another one of his paws is growing back, but alas, it is not bleeding and it isn't bothering him so we are going to leave it be for as long as we can.

^ We tried to take the cone off for a bit and use a sock but it drove him crazy. 

The other day when we were both gone, Jeff returned home to find that Kingsley had gotten out of his cone and licked his scabs off to reveal a healed paw! I'm so glad King decided to take care of business himself. I am so happy to see him peacefully sleep again, and not to mention he tears through the house, hunts us, jumps all over the place, and is so happy to be able to clean his paws again and rub his little face with them. 

Through this I learned that having a pet can be so heart breaking. (I know, where have I been right?) I really had no idea that there was a possibility of claws growing back (though it happens very rarely).  It was so hard for me to see him be so uncomfortable and confused for so long, but he still loves us so much. I may still not like the term "fur baby," but what can I say? He is definitely our baby. 

Homeward Bound.

A few nights ago, I had a dream that I was driving with my friends on a road trip with no destination. I'm quite sure the wind was even running perfectly through my hair. While driving, I came to the realization that I was not wearing any shoes, that I was not wearing a bra, and that I forgot my deodorant. Instead of being the wild and free girl those details entail, we quickly found a Walmart and I was standing in the aisle embarrassed to pick out deodorant in front of my friend because I wear Old Spice....

Reality met my dream. It found my inner curiosity and longing for a free spirit and told it to go home. It made me wonder. Was it the movies that made us think driving in the car on a long stretch of highway is so romantic? Or that doing a cartwheel in the middle of a quiet street at night makes us feel free and washes all our cares away? I'm not trying to be the pessimistic realist here, because trust me, I'm middle ground with this one. I desperately want all those things to be the best medicine. And I think they are for some people, and even for me at times. But I think my wanderlust is drowned out by my longing to be grounded. To go home to my little living room, which is attached to my even littler kitchen, sparkling clean, with a chocolate bar always waiting in the cupboard above the sink, with my cat purring and husband waiting to light up and say, "hi baby!"

Cynical Me

We take everything out on the weather. And Mother Nature takes it without complaining, or maybe she doesn't. Why do we have to get mad at the rain if it just wasn't what we planned for that day? Heaven forbid our perfectly primped hair.... And why do we always have to say the weather is teasing us? Like, perfect weather is what we want and it's what we want all year long! ..but if we really got it would that be what we wanted? "Change it up up there, will ya?" We would shout or even curse. 

Why does weather have to be something we complain about? We can't wait for summer but if it comes too soon it makes studying impossible. Or are we just looking for an excuse? 

I mean this guy is stoked about the weather... And he's even stuck in a cone. 

Daylight.

It's 8:30 in the evening and the sun isn't completely set. That means summer is coming. That means.... [conflicted feelings]

As students, we tend to feel the urge to be weekend warriors. We say, "Oh no, I can't hang out this weekend, I have tons of homework to do." (or whatever arrangement of those words you may personally use.) Because yeah, that's totally true, right? wrong. I'm not stupid! While I know I've had plenty of weekends full of homework, I know that try as I may, I do not spend my entire weekend doing homework. Why would anyone do that? We all need a rest. And luckily, when I feel that resistance, I am usually able to just separate myself from schoolwork and take a rest.

Summer also means a rest. But not as much of a rest as a weekend. As students, we also feel the need to be summer warriors: taking on the best job, or plan that we can, because we should. But it can be a lot of pressure. Especially between junior and senior year when ideally we would get the internship of our dreams and then work for that company, or at least secure a good work ethic. I can safely say that I've been a bit obsessed about our summer plans. It was all working out in my mind and I was so excited I nearly packed our apartment two months early. But that might not work out, and I'm realizing that that's okay. So then maybe we would get to save money and stay in our apartment; maybe we'll get to see our family 7 X's more than last summer; maybe we'll get to relax a little more than we have before. Maybe we'll find a reason to fall in love with summer again and realize that sometimes it's not about which door we take, but just about which handle we use to get to the destination.

through the camera lens

sometimes

sunshine

dinnertime--

words feel beautiful

in the mouth.

this camera lens makes up for what

i cannot articulate

i swear

i'm not ignorant. 

i just can't always say

how i feel

for it is too close

to my heart